QUOTABLES FROM THE MARRIAGE REF – JULY 3, 2011

Tom Papa: “You should get married immediately. You can get as fat as you want. It’s in the rules. As soon as you get married- ‘I love you, you love me, we can’t have sex with other people, let’s eat a chocolate cake.’ ‘You want ice cream on that? You bet your fat ass I do.’”

Tracey Morgan: “I was married for 21 years…but we’re friends now…Once a month we’re friends.”
Susie Essman: “When the check is due?!”

Susie Essman: “He wants to be in the 18th century? Okay, Regis is the only one of us that was alive at that time!”
Regis Philbin: “Hey! What’s going on here?”

Susie Essman: “Who wants to take toilet paper off an antler?” [referring to Will Kinton’s stuffed deer/toilet paper holder in the restroom]
Regis Philbin: “Well he did overdo it.”

Tom Papa: “The poor deer. You already killed it; do you have to haze it too?”

Tracy Morgan: “I had a man cave. But I didn’t have people coming in- it wasn’t a tavern…you couldn’t go in there to get a cheeseburger deluxe!”

Susie Essman: “You want to know this guy’s biggest offense? He’s boring the living daylights out of his wife with his talk about history. He’s boring.”

Susie Essman: “If I was Melissa…I would be Lizzie Borden with an axe to that tavern. I would have no patience for that tavern in my house. Nor would I have the patience for the shoe lamp or for the toilet paper on the antlers.”

Tracy Morgan: “Look at the chain…He’s ready to go to Vegas, she wants to go to sleep!”

Tom Papa: “I think he’s the only man in America that owns the ThighMaster.”

Tom Papa: “I have three words for why this guy is the way he is. Little blue pill.”

Tracy Morgan: “It’s 300 ponytails, there’s 365 days in a year, that’s a different woman every time you come home. They’re never bored.”

Susie Essman: “Do you really think that if you didn’t have 300-something ponytails he would look at another woman? That it’s because every night he comes home to a different ponytail, that’s why he’s staying with you? Do you hear how ludicrous that sounds?”

Source: NBC Press Release