Sarah Walker

It’s Day 45 in the BB house, and as Julie Chen points out on this live eviction show, for the third week in a row Dan is the swing vote.

Dan interviews that in his POV speech he purposely did not indicate whether it was April or Jerry who offered him money in order to “create chaos in the house.” I am momentarily baffled as to why chaos would ensue; any reasonable, rational person would expect a houseguest faced with eviction to offer what they could to have the POV used on them, including BB cash. Then I remembered, duh, that reasonable, rational people don’t make for good TV and would never make it past the first BB audition. April whines in the diary room that she did not offer Dan a specific amount of money (he didn’t say that she did), and if he was using that to make himself look better, she hopes “someone finds that out.”

Jerry interviews that he was surprised that April offered Dan money (Jerry, we’re all surprised you didn’t. “Gee, uh, sorry I equated you with the most reviled traitor in all Christianity.” Yeah, that’s much more valuable than cash). He is glad Dan didn’t take the money and that he left April on the block. He has faith in Renny that her promise of his safety this week is legit. He is “trying to stay calm and ride out the week.” That’s the wisest thing he’s said the entire season.

Speaking of staying calm, Michelle interviews “HERE we go, ONCE again, another CRAAAAAAZY veto meeting! Who offered Dan the money? I’m going to find out ’cause I want that person gone!” See, Michelle makes for good TV.

BB plays some drama music as Renny, Keesha and Michelle convo in the skank room. Renny has changed from her lovely POV ceremony ensemble into a comfy muu muu, but the giant flower, a little droopy now, remains fastened behind her ear. Michelle asks Renny “Who offered him money?!” Renny says she doesn’t know, “talk to him.” Keesha says she doesn’t know, either. Michelle observes “He said it to call them out.” Keesha, in a statement dangerously close to reasonable and rational, says “I mean, they’re going to do whatever they can.” That’ll cost her some camera time. Renny sends Michelle to try to get the identity of the money offering scallywag out of Dan. Yeah, that’s right, I said scallywag, I went there….just don’t tell Libra.

Michelle corners Dan and asks “It’s like you called out them, but both of them have money, so….” Dan lies “That’s not what I wanted; I didn’t want to expose them.” So straight-faced! I know he’s lying and I still kinda believe him! He’s so good at it, you’ve got to wonder if his friends, girlfriend, employers are all sitting at home watching, thinking hmmmm.” Dan leaves the room without revealing a thing beyond his aptitude for deception. Memphis walks in and jokes that Michelle looks “so concerned.” Keesha joins them and Memphis comments “don’t you think both of them offered money?” Thinking hard now, Michelle remembers that April had a look on her face when Dan mentioned the cash that said “Oh, s***, I didn’t offer him no money!” ergo Jerry must been the potential buyer of the POV. With this speculation now firmly entrenched as fact in Michelle’s mind, she interviews that she does not trust Jerry as far as she could throw him, and “he needs to leave this game.”

More drama music sets up a conversation among Keesha, Dan and Memphis in the backyard. Keesha tells them “There is no WAY I’m changing my vote.” She says she would be stupid to let April stay. And there are just so many other ways to be stupid, she’s just too tired for one more. Memphis agrees that although he “can’t stand Jerry,” they would all be stupid to let April stay. He would “rather take the risk of Jerry winning HOH than April winning HOH.” He continues that they need to stop wondering if something else is going on and believe what is right in front of them. Which, as Dan informed us recently, is April’s bleach blond hair with Ollie lurking behind it.

April and Ollie are sitting poolside. She whines “This week has been hell for me.” Ollie replies “It’s been the most painful one for me.” April snarks back “MY ass is up on the block this week.” Ollie gives her a startled look, but before he can retort to her retort, she starts to snivel “I haven’t done anything, there is no reason to put me on the block.” She hasn’t “done anything to these people except do dishes and make cakes. And give people stuff.” Yes, we know, April, but surely BB is providing Ollie with the proper antibiotics for anything you’ve given him.

Not picking up on this deeper meaning, so obvious to me, Ollie soothes “And people see that.” April continues “I mean, it would be so silly for Dan and Michelle not to vote my way.” Ollie: “It should be a given.” April: “There is one person who doesn’t like me (Keesha), and it’s jealousy.” In April’s case, OCD stands for Outright, Comically Delusional. Ollie remarks “Her vote can’t really influence the whole house.” April interviews that she needs three votes to stay. Smiling that trademark skanky smile, she says she expects Ollie’s vote; she definitely DOESN’T expect Keesha’s vote, and Dan and Michelle are swing votes. April thinks “America would look terribly at Dan” if he didn’t vote Jerry out after all the nasty things Jerry has said about him.

Ollie and April hotbox Michelle in the bedroom. He asks if the group has said anything to her. Michelle replies “Not one person has said anything to me. I feel like they have a plan.” Ollie asks “They are planning to keep Jerry around, aren’t they?” Michelle, who just answered this, merely shrugs. Ollie continues “Keeping her (indicating April) here is best for you.” He promises that neither he nor April will put Michelle up. Michelle asks if they have talked to anybody. Ollie replies that he thinks they can get Dan’s vote; he would like Michelle, who he feels is closer to Dan, to intervene on April’s behalf. Michelle replies that she doesn’t know if Dan is “with them,” presumably referring to Memphis and Keesha; possibly Renny as well. Ollie and April both comment that Dan is in his usual wild card role; “three weeks in a row,” adds April. Michelle admits that she doesn’t want Jerry to stay, and if the “house” wants him gone, that’s fine, but - she tells April and Ollie point blank - she won’t vote against the house lest she become a target.

Dan is shooting some hoops in the backyard when Ollie comes out to make yet another attempt at persuasion. He tells Dan that he has never had anything against him: “You are not our target.” During the conversation, Dan paces around agitatedly, repeatedly glancing at the house windows. He seems uncomfortable to be seen talking to Ollie. But then again, the windows are very reflective, and perhaps he is just reassessing his “kissability” since Renny gave him his new haircut. Dan agrees to consider Ollie and April’s offer of a promise not to come after him, but he makes no promises himself and adds that he doesn’t want Ollie to hold it against him if things don’t go the way Ollie wants them to. Ollie says he can’t guarantee that he won’t be upset, adding that Dan won’t have to worry about that if he keeps April in the game.

Later April, Ollie and Dan are in the kitchen when April asks Dan to come into the spa room with her. We all know what April likes to do in the spa room, and it’s not the sauna. Dan looks nervously around, but as there is not a single plaid blanket in sight, he relaxes and sits down to listen. April asks if Jerry offered Dan money, or if they made some kind of deal. Dan assures her that he has no deal with Jerry. April again asks Dan to come to her if there is any sort of deal to be made. She reiterates the offer of complete safety from herself and Ollie, and again offers “some money that might help you out.” With just a touch of a smirk, she continues “I’m sure it would.” That’s what every man loves to hear, isn’t it? “You’re so damn poor and underpaid, that this paltry sum of money I can offer you would be absolutely life changing - Loser.” At this, Dan looks away but again promises to think about it.

Julie Chen introduces diary room thoughts on the upcoming vote. Ollie comments that he has connected with April like he hasn’t with anyone before. All of you with Live Feeds access know what he’s talking about, and we’ll leave it and that, ’cause I hate the taste of vomit in my mouth. Michelle interviews “On one hand, it’s not good for me to keep April, because then I would be going against the house (she sticks out her tongue), but on the other hand it would be good to keep April because I enjoy her and Ollie, and it would keep me safe for awhile.” Memphis, who would obviously love to send both nominees packing, comments that he would vote to evict April because she has been trying to get him out of the house for a few weeks now. “On the other hand, there’s Jerry. He’s annoying, he’s old, he bothers me, he’s a liar, he talks behind my back….did I mention he’s a liar?”

JC notes “April and Ollie have appeared to have gone from a reality TV showmance to a heartfelt romance.” Awww! “But what do their families and friends think about this televised affair?” Here are April and Ollie in the pool discussing their future and the possibility of his moving in with her in Arizona. She asks what his parents would think, because she respects them - “A LOT!” Which is obvious, because nothing says ‘parental respect’ than multiple acts of internet-broadcast sex with their son. Ugh, there’s that taste.

Cut to Ollie’s corn fed hometown of Des Moines, Iowa and footage of his dad leading a service in his humble church. Mom and Dad interview, with Dad doing most of the talking. He feels it is Ollie’s strict, Christian upbringing that makes him the man his parents are so proud of today. He notes that Ollie was always allowed to date, but never had a long term relationship. Remember, according to his BB backstory, Ollie “just recently” lost his virginity.” Back in the pool, April tells Ollie “You are moving to a state where there are millions of me.” Having lived in Arizona, I kind of have to agree with her on that. Ollie replies “What are you telling me that for? Don’t you know I want to stay with you?” April, experiencing an Outright Comically Delusional moment, sweeps her hand across her body, saying “You’ll see this everywhere.” Okay, so I’m no April fan, but I’m beginning to hope the vote goes her way, ’cause these OCD moments are priceless.

In stark contrast to the wholesome sincerity of the cement block Des Moines church, here we are in April’s twin sister’s perfectly manicured stucco home in Phoenix, filled with perfectly manicured friends and family watching on her huge-screen TV. Sis comments “April was a fun kid growing up; we were inseparable, being twins.” Someone at BB has a great sense of humor: the picture they chose to show is one of the two girls kissing at about 18 months of age - way before the innocent act became a skanky, attention getting bar trick. Sis comments that April and Ollie definitely have a showmance going.

Cut to Ollie’s dad. He admits he is not quite clear on the meaning of the term “showmass.” Also, he doesn’t know if what he is seeing between Ollie and April is “a real showmass, or a fake showmass.” Mom comments that it was “unnerving” to watch Ollie romancing this young lady (generous terminology, Mom, very generous) on TV. Dad rejoins that Ollie is 27 years old and can do what he wants. Back in Phoenix, we see April’s sister’s horrified reaction to Ollie’s ‘marriage proposal’ - “Not without asking ME you won’t (marry Ollie).” She interviews “The marriage proposal was a little shocking.” She hopes things will slow down once the couple is out of the house. Back in the pool, Ollie remarks that he and April have been together “54 days and I’m not sick of you yet!” That’s when you know it’s true love.

Time for the weekly Chen Chat with the HGs. “Ollie, it’s been a very scary week for you inside the BB house.” They replay the footage of Ollie cringing away from the crows and ducking into the house.” This sends the house into hysterics, and to his credit, no one is laughing harder than Ollie himself. JC asks “What is it with you and birds?” Ollie has “never liked them and never will. They’re dirty, DIRTY.” But Ollie, we thought you liked…. Never mind. Ollie again blames his condition on the terrifying Hitchcock film.

JC asks Dan “How exciting was it to finally win something in this game?” Dan, who as we know has been throwing challenges up until he needed a win, goes directly into ‘aw, shucks’ mode, replying “It was very exciting. It’s no secret that I haven’t been very good in this game.” To Dan’s great satisfaction, the HGs chuckle in acknowledgement, with one notable exception: Renny merely smiles and looks shrewdly at Dan. “It was a little skill and a lot of luck” Dan concludes.

Julie asks Renny about her emotional response to her mom and dad’s photos in her HOH room. Renny gets choked up in her reply, telling us that she had great parents. JC asks Jerry how he is handling being on slop “for almost half your stay.” Jerry first of all points out that having been on slop for 26 of 44 days amounts to more than half. How does he manage? He fries it hard and swallows fast. Sounds like a strategy he might have learned from April.

Memphis gets the audience question this week: “If you had to bring back one evicted HG, who would it be? Memphis answers that he would bring back Brian - “Just for giggles.” For giggles?

Time for diary room thoughts about the eviction from Keesha and Dan. Keesha whines “April walks around here thinking that she’s sooo much better than everybody else in this house. She is constantly bragging about herself.” Dan comments “Keeping Jerry in this house could be a huge liability, ’cause he creates a lot of lies about me. But Ollie’s talked to me, April’s talked to me; once again I’m the possible swing vote with an enormous amount of power, but I don’t want to be in this position.”

Returning from commercial, Renny is perched in her HOH room for the last time in preparation for her private chat with Julie, who asks “Have your housemates underestimated you in this game?” Renny replies with a smile “I hope so.” She says she is a “very strategic player in life,” she gives 110% to everything she does. She hopes she is “playing this game where America is crazy about me!” Well, yes, there’s a ‘crazy’ in there all right. She says the kooky Renny we see is the real Renny. We figured. JC asks Renny to comment on her distrust of Memphis. Renny has been wary of him since day one, and would like to see him go. “He believes he has the game won already; he’s a shrewd young man” but is still in need of some life lessons, in Renny’s opinion.

Julie returns to the living room to invite the nominees to make their final pleas before the vote. April is grateful for the opportunity to get to know everyone, blah blah, asks them to vote for themselves, not for the person next to them, blah blah. Jerry says the 44 days have been “something special,” slop notwithstanding, and promises to take “no sour grapes” to the jury house.

Time to vote, and it’s 4-1 to whack April. As soon as Julie reveals the vote was “4-1″ April starts to stand up. Hugs all around. After she leaves, Ollie paces around sadly while Jerry thanks everyone. He shakes Ollie’s hand as well, and Michelle gives Ollie a big hug.

JC’s first question for April concerns her relationship with Keesha. Were they frienemies, or what? April replies that she doesn’t have anything bad to say about Keesha. Her first instinct was to trust Keesha, but then Keesha turned on her and April still doesn’t know why. April, it’s because skanks are like magnets with the same polarity, that’s why. Julie notes that April and Ollie isolated themselves from the others; “do you think that played a part in your eviction tonight?” April responds “I would hope not.” She thinks it’s good to have a BFF in the house “for sanity.” JC: “If you knew from day one that being with Ollie would lead to your eviction, would you have done it?” “Absolutely.” JC: “What does the future hold for the two of you?” “Ollie had plans of moving to Arizona before he met me.” He must have heard that he will see “this” everywhere. April denies they plan to live together; “He wants to get his own place, and I think that’s best.” She acknowledges that the talk of marriage “was a complete joke.” JC asks “Can you picture marrying him, having a family with him?” With an unmistakable deer in the headlights expression, April replies that she is “grateful their friendship has grown.”

Time for April’s taped “Don’t let the door hit ya!” messages. Dan, who has obviously not received the memo about kissing the ass of each evicted HG as they head to the jury house, tells April “You’re very ambitious, and I think that hurt you. Your relationship with Ollie made you more of a target.” Renny, who read the memo - twice - says “You’re an amazing young woman, vivacious, intelligent…..” Renny finishes by blowing a kiss and saying “I love you, dahlin’.” Keesha, realizing that no amount of kissing up would win her April’s vote even if she were in the finals with Satan, shoots straight, saying they tried but could never find the middle ground. Ollie is last, but not least: “I never expected to find what I found in you, and to find a girl as beautiful and intellectual as you are. You will be my main motivation to get that grand prize.” He asks her to be his “first girlfriend.” April answers Julie that she will tell Ollie “yes” when she sees him. JC reminds April she is off to the jury house - with Libra. That could totally be a BB spinoff. They’d have to air it on Showtime, though, with an Adult Language warning.

With the skank population of the house reduced by 50%, the HOH competition begins. The HGs are sitting on tiny discs clinging to vines. JC tells Renny that as outgoing HOH, she is not eligible to compete. Renny, seated to one side eying the vines, beams with relief. The competition is called King of the Jungle. The object is, of course, to be the last person hanging on to their jungle vine. Dan is in it to win it, dressed in jeans, open fingered gloves and a hooded windbreaker. This is good for him, because it starts to “rain” right away. Ollie also has open finger gloves, left him by his soon to be first girlfriend. The vines rise up and begin to swing.

As the HGs cling and swing, BB announces that America’s Vote will net one lucky HG a call from home. Since America seems to be in love with Dan, I’m betting he gets the prize which, as we’ve seen in past seasons, can be a double-edged sword as it tends to drive the other HGs wild with jealousy. JC announces that next week’s live show will include a double eviction. At this, the audience let’s out a shocked “OOOOOOH.” Julie nods at them, saying “I know” in her first ever spontaneous comment in her ten season career as BB host.

Back to the jungle. Julie asks the HGs “Everyone doing okay so far?” to which they all reply yes, except Dan. At this point, BB plays a tape of jungle animal noises, and Ollie totally freaks out, looking around in a panic, frantically wondering what direction the birds are coming from and how big they are. The vines rise again, swinging the HGs into a padded wall repeatedly and with increasing violence as it continues to drizzle on them. Undoubtedly BB will recap the competition on Sunday’s show, but briefly: it came down to Dan and Ollie, the gloved ones, but Dan was able to hang on to win.

Check us out on Sunday to see who Dan nominated and find out what happens in POV. In the meantime, check out Jax’s astute and clever coverage at Media Fiends: MediaFiends.com - Showmass My Ass; MediaFiends.com - Interview with April.