Sarah Walker

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The show opens with the Rocky theme and we know immediately we’re in trouble.  The Let’s Get Ready to Rumble guy comes on with his drop down mike and out-lames Seacrest with the intro.  Someone’s ghastly vision has come to life in the form of a boxing-themed American Idol finale and it only gets worse.  They’ve dressed up the poor Davids in lurid satin robes and boxing gloves in an inexplicable effort to kill their images, Idol tour ticket sales and sales of any albums these two ever release all with one fatal shot.  “In this corner David Cook is 180 pounds and in this corner David Archuleta is 100 pounds soaking wet?!”  Are you kidding me?  I’m going to run out of synonyms for “lame” within the next five minutes.

Seacrest comes out and it is actually a relief to see him, mostly because he’s dressed in normal clothes and we allow ourselves a flicker of hope that the boxing premise is behind us.  He polls the audience for Cook fans and Archuleta fans; the decibel level sounds about the same for each but the Arch fans’ cheering is noticeably higher pitched.  Our hopes are dashed in short order as the HBO boxing guy comes on, describing the Davids as “two men with one name and one desire.”  So is this what the producers were angling for all season?  A David-David showdown to fit this ridiculous boxing thing?  Clive Davis is introduced as a heavy hitter in the music business.  Get it?  Heavy hitter?  Hilarious.

Our favorite judge mentor Andrew Lloyd Webber is back, and he declares that it’s all going to come down to which of the Davids is prepared to dare a little bit more than the other.  We’ll see about that.  The AI finale historically is about anything and everything other than daring.

A video of the coin toss from last week; David A wins and elects to go second.  Seacrest asks the Davids how it feels to be playing to seven thousand people here in the Nokia theater?  Cook plays to the crowd - “you tell me, how does it feel?”  Enthusiastic cheering.  Arch mumbles something about a dream come true.  It’s already clear who is enjoying the night and who is stressed to the max.

Seacrest asks how the two have prepared for the finale and Arch mumbles again, something about rehearsing in every spare moment.  David Cook, who has retained his faculties and can actually translate his thoughts into words, says that he tried to find the right energy for each of these songs.  So one has rehearsed himself to the point at which he has no ability to enunciate coherent thoughts and the other is thinking about the energy of his songs.  Easy to see where this is going. 

Seacrest then turns to the judges - what do these guys need to do tonight?  Randy: “Drop it hard.”  Seacrest doesn’t even bother to ask what the hell that means.  Paula: “Enjoy it all, soak it up, and may the best man win.”  Simon: “You’ve got to have a desire to win and you’ve got to hate your opponent.”  Well that sets a festive mood!  Thank you, Simon.

It’s clear that poor Little David just wants to get this whole thing over with, but Seacrest continues his queries, asking the Davids to give their opinion of each other.  Okay readers, here’s a little quiz:  One of the Davids says “This guy’s awesome.”  The other replies “From 24 to 2, this guy’s been consistently nice the whole time.  As far as I’m concerned, the competition’s over and we’re just having fun tonight.”  Who said what? 

Incidentally, there have been many more boxing references but I’ve chosen to ignore them; as it turns out there really aren’t a lot of synonyms for ‘lame.’

The first round songs have been chosen by Clive Davis, the “man with the golden ears.”  And the lime green necktie and matching pocket hankie.  Anyway, Clive - whose initials I’ve just noticed happen to be CD! - chooses for David Cook a song that touched on the yearning of a generation and the meaning of life, no less.  It’s U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.  Andrew Lloyd Webber notes that it’s a tough song to do, and tells David that he can afford to be very brave.  Clive chooses Elton John’s Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me for David Archuleta.  ALW’s advice to Little D?  To keep his eyes open lest he “drive us all mad.”  We love this guy.  If he would join the panel, I don’t even care which judge he would replace.  They could probably send all three packing and let Andy take the reins.

The Cookster is lookin’ good tonight!  The comb over is gone, the hair is standing at attention for the occasion, the curl toe boots are back!  He’s done a nice little rhythm change up and worked over the melody but nothing too drastic, just enough.  Moreover, he looks confident, relaxed yet animated, he smiles appropriately - he’s clearly enjoying himself more than at any time during the entire competition.  The song begins at about the tempo and volume of the original and then DC kicks into high gear, moving into the audience with ease and delivering a truly entertaining performance that brings down the house.  Randy says it’s a great way to start the “duel of 2007″ (season seven, dawg, season seven).  He doesn’t know if David did everything he could with the song.  No Randy, nor should he have - it’s called subtlety.  But Randy loved the scoop at the end and it was hot, baby!  Paula, always the punster, notes that David may not have found what he’s looking for but we sure have!  She adds that David is in great voice tonight.  Simon thought it was “phenomenal” but feels the need to qualify the compliment by noting that David looked nervous at the top of the show.  They dressed him in a freakin’ shiny red boxing robe, Simon!  And you let them!  Nervous probably doesn’t begin to describe how he felt. 

It’s Little David’s turn and he is sitting on some steep blue steps wearing jeans and a suit jacket over a tee with a star and possibly a Christmas tree on it.  He sings it as straight as Elton - to clarify: as straight as Elton sang it - holding way back on the runs you just know are busting to get out.  There go the eyes closing, ALW is going mad somewhere, and somehow the performance is reminiscent of Clay Aiken.  Little D does a great job, he’s really on his game tonight.  But his game is safe and boring.  This was an Elton cover and nothing more.  Randy: “doesn’t matter what happens now …. one of the best performances of the season …. you picked the right time to peak …. molten hot …. crazy vocals.”  Paula: “Chills …. the sun is never going to go down on you (she loves her puns) because you bring out so much sunshine through your singing.”  Simon: “Going to be honest …. tonight’s performance was arguably the best you’ve done so far …. taking everything into account, round one goes to Archuleta.”  I don’t know what they were hearing.  I was hearing a well-sung, unoriginal Elton John cover.  Never mind;  Little David is almost in tears of joy after the comments, mumbling “It’s a very important night.”  He’s clearly developed the ability to channel his dad’s telepathic messages.

For the next round, the Davids get to choose a song from among the top ten vote getters from this season’s song writing contest.  I have not personally listened to any of these tunes, but from what I’ve read the pickin’s were slim.  Our favorite judge Andrew Lloyd Webber comments that it will be interesting to see what they make of the new songs, because they are unfamiliar and this is where an artist shows their merit.  David Cook has chosen Dream Day and David Archuleta has selected In This Moment.  The first title sounds like something from current radio; the second sounds like the typical, horrible Idol finale song we’ve endured for the past six years. 

Cook is up first, with his guitar this time, and clearly enjoys rocking out to his song, making the best of what he has to work with and having fun with it.  He does a great job with the somewhat tricky vocals and the performance is, again, entertaining and very enjoyable to watch and to listen to.  Randy: “The song was just okay….what made it work for me was your voice - you were singing your face off.”  Paula: “A guitar in your hands and a song in your heart….in awe….mesmerizing….made us fall in love with the song.  Simon: “Using the boxing analogy (now why would you do that, Simon?  Was this whole awful theme your idea?!), it was a bit of a lightweight.  I liked the end but it didn’t feel like a winning moment to me and that’s supposed to be a winning song.”  Simon - clue in!  David is not in it to win it!  At least he’s not going to compromise himself, trying to be someone he clearly isn’t just to win the title, which doesn’t matter anyway.  If he wins, so be it but tonight he’s showing the world what a David Cook album will sound like and what a David Cook concert will look like.  Did you listen, Simon?  David said it at the top of the show - “as far as I’m concerned the competition is over and we’re just having fun tonight.”   Well, at least one guy named David is having fun!  No guys named Simon are having fun. 

David A launches into In This Moment with his rainbow catching palm in position.  He’s wearing a jacket with some big old anchors on it.  Why do his stylists insist on dressing this kid like a sixty-something woman on a bus tour?  It’s a typical Idol finale song, just as the title suggests.  David sings it very sincerely and very well, and very much like every other ballad he’s ever done on this show.  He also looks like he is not enjoying a moment of it and appears ready to collapse with relief at the end.  Randy: “Not crazy about the song, but you are so in the zone you could (here it is!) sing the phone book tonight …. that was another hot one.”  Paula: “a heartfelt performance, you are on fire tonight.”  Someone needs to set fire to the anchor jacket.  Simon: “love the egotistical lyrics….you chose the better song….more in keeping with the night.  Round 2 goes to Archuleta.”

Seacrest remarks that people in 130 countries are watching tonight.  I really feel for the translators who must decipher Randy and Paula’s comments and somehow make them comprehensible to another culture. 

For the third round, each David gets to choose any song he would like to sing.  David Cook chooses Collective Soul’s The World I Know.  He notes that the song has a lot of “heavy hitting parts” and that he has never before performed it.  David Archuleta will reprise Imagine …. imagine that. 

The World I Know begins with just David Cook and his guitar; other instruments join in gradually.  OFJ Andrew Lloyd Webber has advised David to make the song “a cry of passion;” he takes the advice to heart and it’s another great performance in which he really connects with the audience.  He even tears up a bit at the end, whether from the emotion of the song or because the best night of his life has come to an end we don’t know.  Paula is moved to give a standing ovation.  Randy: “One of the cool things about you is that you are showing people tonight the many different sides of David Cook.  This is the kind of record you could make, very nice.”  Dawg, you get it!  Now explain it to Simon.  Paula: “You are standing in your truth and you are delivering unbelievable songs with integrity and originality.”  She reprises her standing o.  Simon: “You are one of the nicest, most sincere contestants we have had.  I thought it was a beautiful song but it was completely and utterly the wrong song choice for tonight, you should have sung Billie Jean or Hello.  You understand what I’m saying.”  To which David replies “Yes and no.  This whole thing has been a progression for me, so why do something I’ve already done?  (Exactly!!)  But I completely understand what you’re saying.”  This earns a wink from Simon.  Maybe they have a deal:  “Hey Simon, you pimp out Little David at the finale so he’ll win and I avoid being melted down and poured into the AI mold;  I’ll let you produce my first album which will outsell Archuleta’s by 650 billion copies.  Everybody wins!”

Little David is out next with Imagine, and he of course does an outstanding job with it.  He infuses the song with sincerity and even manages to throw in a little more personality and life than he did several weeks ago, presumably because he realizes that in 90 seconds this whole horrible ordeal will come to an end.  Randy: “I’m happy and proud it’s the two Davids standing on stage tonight.  This show is all about finding the best singer and the best singer is standing right there!”  Paula: “You were stunning tonight.”  Simon: “This show is about finding a star….we’ve witnessed one of the great finals.  David Archuleta, you came out here tonight to win, and what we’ve witnessed is a knockout.”  Little David is teary and weak kneed, and thank goodness David Cook is back on stage to hold him upright.  EMT’s and live TV do not mix well.

To sing us out, it’s none other than Ruben Studdard, who appears to have lost a little weight and gained about thirty years. 

Four hours of finger flying follow, and aside from the judge’s not so subliminal “vote for David Archuleta” message, it’s all about whose fans are the most prolific texters and dialers.  Gotta go with Arch’s tweeners on this one.  But in the back of their minds, both Davids must realize: Ruben Studdard was available to come do the closing song tonight.  Clay’s busy.